[I gave in. I made a listicle. Gah.]
It’s easy to say, “I need to get my shit together.” It’s a lot harder when one has no idea what that shit even is. I have no clue. Sure there are the usual things that every twenty-something wants. A job, a partner, an identity, an apartment, I don’t know. Vague and ephemeral buzzwords that you hear as a child and think, “I won’t have to worry about that until I’m a grown up.”
Well, now I am. And they still sound like buzzwords.
The point of all of this is, when I sat down to write this, I quickly realised that what I truly needed wasn’t any of those buzzwords. Wait, who am I kidding? I definitely need a job and an apartment. But what I also need, is a sense of Identity. Who am I? Who do I want to be? What do I want to do in order to be who I want to be?
So in service of that, things I Must Do In the Next Six Months that will further the cause of my Self Identity. (This listicle changes titles every paragraph. It’s amorphous like that.)
1. Read the classics. Not the usual suspects, your Jane Austens and your Shakespeares. But the ones that should have been introduced to me/us in school, like Virginia Woolfe, Thoreau, Proust, Hemingway.
2. Start writing my dream project (more on that when the time comes). I don’t need to finish a draft – besides, when is a draft ever finished? But start it. Love it. Nurture it. And NOT GIVE UP ON IT.
3. Educate myself on things I care about. Read up on feminism, socialism, economics, the Middle East. Have an intelligent conversation with knowledge to back me up as opposed to emotions. People always take you more seriously when you appear logical instead of tearily saying, “but look at how sad this is!”
4. Be more focussed on a healthy lifestyle. I’m not overweight and I’m not skinny. I don’t suffer from body image issues, necessarily, but I do suffer from low self control (I type this as I tear into a box of Häagen-Dazs), and it’s probably time to work on that.
5. Stop comparing myself to other, more successful people. Everyone has their own journey, their own paths. My choices and decisions have brought me this far, but worrying about others’ life choices and decisions only serve to derail my purpose and direction.
6. Travel. I have gotten myself out there a lot this past year. I took a solo trip through the big cities of North East America and I loved it (check out #EastCoastShenanigans!). I want to do more of it. I want to travel places. Eat different cuisines. Experience the world – and by extension, experience myself.
7. Learn how to make gifs! And learn how to find them in the first place. Gifs are hilarious and amazing and while cute-cat humour is totally lost on me (I’m a dog person, obs), I love anything that makes me feel like I’m looking at the Daily Prophet! (If you don’t get the Harry Potter reference we can’t be friends.)
8. Watch all the movies on my Netflix list! Catch up on the TV I’ve missed. Be able to actually contribute to a conversation about Breaking Bad, Game of Thrones, House of Cards, and EVERYTHINGELSEEVER without having to politely excuse myself.
9. Get back to acting/dancing/performing. I don’t care if that means joining a hip-hop class in the neighbourhood or a play on-stage, or The Groundlings, or even singing on a street corner. Just get the hell out there and BE.
10. Find the thing I love. See, over the past month, I have done quite a bit of soul searching, and I realised something. There are a lot of things I like. In fact, I like everything. But I love nothing. I read everything, I follow nothing. I’m not passionate about any cause, activity, sport, or hobby to want to devote my time to it – and isn’t that an incomplete way to live?
Six (seven-ish) months ‘til I turn twenty five. Here’s to nothing.